I don’t love the word “ex” for him because it’s misleading—since I don't believe we were ever actually, honestly dating. But "breaking up" remained the thing that I had to do.
I had a (platonic) roommate situation between the ages of 28 and 30 and was both verbally and emotionally abusive and is what led me to not longer dating, putting myself out there, or actively pursuing gay male spaces for a long time.
I'm 41 now and still afraid of going through that again.
Thanks Mark! Shitty things like our stories happen to substantially more people than i think most folks realize. I look forward to a day when that’s no longer the case.
The story about him screaming 'NAKED!!!!' at the front door is equal parts terrifying and pathetic. It captures the desperation of an abuser losing control. I'm so glad you recognized that 'consent under duress is empty consent.'
Lucky for me, when i tell folks about this incident now, i can’t help but laugh, because yeah, it really is pathetic and embarrassing. I really appreciate you reading and commenting!
Thank you for sharing this story. It reminds me of my experience in both a toxic roommate relationship and an "on again off again" relationship where I stayed way too long. That's where I learned that hard lesson that someone may be saying they love you but not offering real love. Maybe they don't see the real you, or their own real self. Maybe they aren't capable of really loving. Maybe they could after more healing and growth, but that needs to be their own journey. I also relate to the role of music in reflecting our relationships, desires, and selves, and I like how you demonstrate music's ability to strengthen us. Thank you for delving into all the difficult emotions to share this wonderful piece.
So glad you got away from him. You sound 100X more mature than he was. How old was he at the time? I'm guessing he learned what a relationship looks like from Netflix dramas. I hope that he's since learned some better interpersonal skills.
Thanks Moorea, I’m glad too of course. He was in his mid 20s, and yeah, it was like being in a bad TV drama. I don’t know whether he’s gained any interpersonal skills in the time since, nor do I care to find out. -max
I had a (platonic) roommate situation between the ages of 28 and 30 and was both verbally and emotionally abusive and is what led me to not longer dating, putting myself out there, or actively pursuing gay male spaces for a long time.
I'm 41 now and still afraid of going through that again.
Anyway, I'm sorry that happened to you Max.
Thanks Mark! Shitty things like our stories happen to substantially more people than i think most folks realize. I look forward to a day when that’s no longer the case.
Me too!
The story about him screaming 'NAKED!!!!' at the front door is equal parts terrifying and pathetic. It captures the desperation of an abuser losing control. I'm so glad you recognized that 'consent under duress is empty consent.'
Lucky for me, when i tell folks about this incident now, i can’t help but laugh, because yeah, it really is pathetic and embarrassing. I really appreciate you reading and commenting!
Thanks for sharing this story! It's always good to let it out! Glad you did what you had to do.
Thanks so much for reading this, Dan! I appreciate you as always.
Thank you for sharing this story. It reminds me of my experience in both a toxic roommate relationship and an "on again off again" relationship where I stayed way too long. That's where I learned that hard lesson that someone may be saying they love you but not offering real love. Maybe they don't see the real you, or their own real self. Maybe they aren't capable of really loving. Maybe they could after more healing and growth, but that needs to be their own journey. I also relate to the role of music in reflecting our relationships, desires, and selves, and I like how you demonstrate music's ability to strengthen us. Thank you for delving into all the difficult emotions to share this wonderful piece.
Yep! Someone saying they love you really isn’t always doing so. Thank you for all your kind words and for reading. -max
So glad you got away from him. You sound 100X more mature than he was. How old was he at the time? I'm guessing he learned what a relationship looks like from Netflix dramas. I hope that he's since learned some better interpersonal skills.
Thanks Moorea, I’m glad too of course. He was in his mid 20s, and yeah, it was like being in a bad TV drama. I don’t know whether he’s gained any interpersonal skills in the time since, nor do I care to find out. -max