The QLP Questionnaire: LaShawn McGhee
The QLP Questionnaire: LaShawn McGhee
"I’ve always loved the idea of having a wife, but the concept of 'the one' seems unrealistic. One person can’t possibly be your everything."
Did you struggle to find love? Or maybe you had a difficult time making it work in a same-sex relationship or outside the typical heteronormative parameters that dominate our culture and have lessons to share? Since most LGBTQ+ people don't have many role models to help us learn what it means to put ourselves together, we invite you to take “The Queer Love Project Questionnaire” and share your distinctive experiences so that others might learn from them. Email us at QueerLoveProjectSub@gmail.com to find out how you can participate.
I'm a filmmaker and co-founder of Revry, the streaming platform focused on LGBTQ+ content.
While I was working as a nurse in the Washington, D.C., area, I attended a church meeting for the media ministry. This church didn’t have a choir, so I decided to attend, not knowing what to expect. I immediately fell in love with the demonstrations and information provided, which led me to seek out educational programs in media production. During my time at school, I discovered a passion for video editing. I completed my undergraduate degree in Digital Media and Film Production and was accepted into the editing program at The American Film Institute.
Cut to 2015: Revry was born out of the need for increased positive queer representation, our goal was to create an inclusive platform for queer voices, stories, and culture. Revry has since grown into a globally available platform accessible through Smart TVs, mobile devices, and streaming devices. We are committed to providing authentic queer storytelling and a safe space for representation, and this allows us to tackle the notion of Pride 365 days a year by providing advertising brands with the opportunity to connect with LGBTQ+ folks globally through programmatic video ads and a slate of options for branded content. Queer joy is at the heart of everything we do.
The 9th annual QueerX Awards take place October 11, 2024, to mark National Coming Out Day.
What is your age, where in the world do you primarily live, where did you grow up?
I just turned 50 in August. I live in Los Angeles, and I grew up in Arlington, Virginia.
How do you define yourself on the LGBTQ+ spectrum?
That’s a hard question, when I was growing up there was no GSA or LGBTQ center. I knew I liked girls, but there wasn’t any language to help me understand what I was experiencing. I had my first girlfriend at 17.
How would you define love? Is it the thing you work at for a long period of time? Or is it the strong feeling you feel for someone right from the beginning for no reason?
Love is warm and sounds like sleigh bells in the winter. Love is deep and intimate. Love is a place and a person with whom you feel safe to be vulnerable. It’s that glowing smile that you see when they look at you.
Does the relationship fill your deepest needs for closeness with a person? Or do you prefer not to share every part of yourself?
I have yet to experience a love deep enough to be completely vulnerable with someone, though I would welcome and be open to the possibility.
When did you come out to family, friends and others for the first time?
I didn’t have the “Ellen gets a toaster” moment. I’ve just always been myself. The truth is that I was outed by a co-worker when I was 17.
Did you have any LGBTQ+ role models as a child or teenager? What do you remember about images of same-sex or queer relationships or messages you gleaned?
The way I saw role models wasn’t based on orientation. It had more to do with being strong women or overcoming obstacles. Getting it done by whatever means necessary.
I admired people like Queen Latifah, MC Lyte, TLC, and FloJo. I found myself in their strength.
Do you have a Chosen Family?
I am blessed to have both. My friends are as supportive as my biological family. I like being connected to good people.
Has race, ethnicity or cultural differences been a factor in who you seek out?
I definitely have a type. I am more partial to melanated skin. Especially darker skin. There is something to be said for being with someone who shares ancestral heritage. There is value in not having to explain cultural norms to people. You connect on a subconscious level—and I love that.
Have you had any difficulties dating or finding/keeping a relationship?
It has been challenging to date or have relationships. I often feel like my timing is off. When I’m interested in dating, I may have to work a lot of hours on a project; or I’m not working and my budget isn’t built for dating; or I’m doing work on myself and start meeting all kinds of interesting people.
Have you experienced heartbreak?
I think everyone has experienced heartbreak. The challenge is experiencing heartbreak after relationships where you knew they were the wrong partner. Now it’s all about setting myself up to win.
Are there any things that standard heterosexual relationships have that you feel are out of reach or that you wish you had or could achieve?
I’ve always loved the idea of having a wife. Now that I’ve been looking at childhood trauma, and why I believe what I believe, the concept of “the one” seems unrealistic.
One person can’t possibly be your everything. Your partner will always have relationships that aren’t with you. They have parents, siblings, besties, and book club friends. They will always love someone who isn’t you. I say this because, for the last two years, the most interesting women that I’ve met have been polyamorous or practice ethical non-monogamy. I’m taking the time to see if I would be more fulfilled in a scenario like this.
Have you had a difficult time navigating the “roles” you should play in a relationship?
This is an interesting question, and what I’m going to say is more of a comment/observation than an answer. As much as the queer community says that it doesn’t want labels or heteronormative structure, I find that because I’m masc, the expectation is that I should pay for most things just as a “man” would do. I went on a date with someone who thought I wasn’t interested in them because we split the check. At her suggestion, I might add.
Any advice you’d give to someone younger than you who thinks it’s impossible to find love?
I would say that finding love and finding a relationship are two different things. I have a wonderful community of people that I have the pleasure of spending time with in platonic ways, and there is a lot of love and support there. It’s more important to define love for yourself and allow others to experience it than to chase after ideals that are dated and tired.
BONUS:
We all need more inspiration. Please recommend something that influenced or helped shape you significantly that you’d recommend to someone else.
Book: The Future Has a Past by J. California Cooper
Song: “I Know” by Eric Benet