The QLP Questionnaire: Wendy the Druid

"Dating as my true self—dating as a trans woman—has been the most releasing and often pure experience of my life."

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I've spent over 20 damn years knee-deep in tech infrastructure and security. These days, I'm juggling freelance journalism with my gig as a Senior Site Reliability Engineer. I've bounced through the tech world from Flock Safety to IBM, fixing everyone's DevOps and security messes along the way. When I'm not sorting out tech disasters, I'm living my best life as a 52-year-old trans woman with my awesome partner and three college kids—who probably think I'm too nerdy for my own good.

Long time cyberathlete player, old MMORPG player, and board game-obsessed player. Been through enough hell and back that workplace drama just makes me laugh now—nothing beats the resilience you build transitioning in this crazy world.

Oh, and I'm a druid priestess, too. That spiritual side isn't just weekend stuff; it actually makes me better at my job. There's something about understanding natural systems that clicks perfectly with debugging complex infrastructure problems. Weird, but it works. And on the weekends I’m a healer. You can read more at Wendy the Druid’s Substack.

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What is your age, where in the world do you primarily live, where did you grow up?
I am 52 years old. I live in Atlanta, Georgia (the East Lake neighborhood area), and my formative years were spent growing up in Atlanta.

How do you define yourself on the LGBTQ+ spectrum?
I am a trans feminine woman.

What is your relationship status?
I am in a domestic partnership with my life partner Keira.

Do you have an “ideal” relationship status?
Married , or happily domestically partnered. At my age, I’m less worried about having a piece of paper define my relationship, and more happy to be just as I am.

What is the biggest misconception about being single or in a relationship?
That being in a relationship is hard. I thought for a long time I would never again be in a committed relationship—before being previously married for many years—and now, living authentically as a Woman, I am in a relationship, with an equally beautiful woman, and I’m happy.

When was your first intimate moment? Was it with someone you liked? Did you feel pressured into it?
Well, hrmm. I was 17. Her named was Brandy. Turns out she hated me. And it was a kiss. This was of course long before I accepted myself as a queer/trans person.

How would you define love? Is it the thing you work at for a long period of time? Or is it the strong feeling you feel for someone right from the beginning for no reason?
As a Druid, I believe Love is the fucking sacred fire that binds us to every goddamn beautiful thing on this earth. It's the raw energy pulsing through ancient oaks, the wild passion of storm winds, and the tender mercy of moonlight on water. Love isn't something delicate: It's primal, fierce, and eternal. It flows through my veins like the same ancient magic that makes flowers burst through stone. This connection is everything.

Does the relationship fill your deepest needs for closeness with a person? Or do you prefer not to share every part of yourself?
Yes it does. Feeling close to her is the most amazing feeling that I have ever known.

When did you come out to family, friends and others for the first time?
I started my journey to accept myself 17 years ago. First, identifying as queer, then slowly over a 10-year period, coming out slowly to family members, and then finally, five years ago, coming fully out as a Trans feminine woman, and starting the arduous journey of medical and physical transition.

Did you have any LGBTQ+ role models as a child or teenager? What do you remember about images of same-gender or queer relationships or messages you gleaned?
Oh, plenty. Caroline Cossey was a big one for me. Turns out that, later in her life, while I was living in Kennesaw, Georgia, she also lived there. I even approached her early in my transition to thank her for the affect she had on my younger self. There were many films of the time, most notably Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Are there any pivotal pop culture moments that you credit for teaching about love and/or relationships?
Paris is Burning, The Crying Game, Different for Girls, Ma Vie en Rose, Boys Don't Cry, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, All About My Mother, Just One of the Guys. Jennifer Finney Boylan’s novel She’s Not There was HUGELY formative for me.

Do you have a Chosen Family?
Of course I do! My partner and I have three kids together (two from her previous marriage, and my one from my previous marriage), but we also have a regular set of chosen family members, one of which, Willow, lives with us.

What is your relationship with your biological family (if any)?
My mother was fiercely abusive to me growing up. On all levels. And likely for being a strange and queer child. My father (who divorced my mother when I was five), despite leaving me to my mother and her subsequent husband and deserting me was, later in my life, loving and supportive. My two maternal half siblings and I have no relationship. My two paternal half siblings and I have a VERY strong and viscerally supportive relationship.

What do you (did you) like about dating as a LGBTQ person? What do/did you dislike?
Dating as my true self—dating as a trans woman—has been the most releasing and often pure experience of my life.

Has race, ethnicity or cultural differences been a factor in who you seek out?
No. Because, culturally, the love of my life and I tend to agree with one another.

Have you had any difficulties dating or finding/keeping a relationship?
No, I haven’t had difficulties in finding relationships or establishing those relationships. I attribute this to being a druid—because the importance of human connection is a factor for me personally.

What’s the most surprising thing you have learned about relationships from your perspective?
The ease and understanding how people are attracted to me or love me because I don’t feel particularly lovable myself

Have you experienced heartbreak?
Oh yes, terminally so.

How would you term your sexual relationship with your primary partner? Has that changed over time?
Vibrant, sensual, and deeply personal. No, it hasn’t changed over time.

Do you have any moments of joy, happiness or pleasure that you can share about being in a same-gender or queer relationship?
Being in a queer relationship with somebody who accepts me for who I am and accepts me as the gender that I am is by far the more of amazing circumstances that I can say about being a Queer relationship.

Are there any things that standard heterosexual relationships have that you feel are out of reach or that you wish you had or could achieve?
No, there are not

Have you ever been in a polyamorous relationship or would you like to be in a situation that doesn’t involve just two people?
I have not been, however, I would entertain it if my partner agreed to explore that option. But it would only be under the implicit understanding that my partner would be someone who would want to explore that before I would consider it.

Are you married? Have you ever wanted to be?
No. I was before. I would certainly like to consider being so again.

Have you had a difficult time navigating the “roles” you should play in a relationship?
No, I have never had a difficulty in the roles that I fulfill in my relationship. My partner lets me be the mom that I want to be, my partner lets me be the wife that I want to be, and my partner lets me be the homemaker that I want to be. Because I have a huge June Cleaver fetish.

What is your philosophy about relationships?
Live and let live, love and let love

Any good/bad advice you received from a friend or queer elder?
Just be yourself. Being loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone gives you courage.

Any advice you’d give to someone younger than you who thinks it’s impossible to find love?
Love is love. It knows no gender, no boundaries, and no prejudice.

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BONUS:

We all need more inspiration. Below, please recommend something that influenced or helped shape you significantly that you’d recommend to someone else.

Book: Fist of the North Star manga

TV Show: Star Trek TOS

Movie: Aliens (1986) and Heat (1995)

Song: “Human” by Rone

Play, Musical, Other Cultural artifact: Cats

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Did you struggle to find love? Or maybe you had a difficult time making it work in a same-gender relationship or outside the typical heteronormative parameters that dominate our culture and have lessons to share? Since most LGBTQ+ people don't have many role models to help us learn what it means to put ourselves together, we invite you to take “The Queer Love Project Questionnaire” and share your distinctive experiences so that others might learn from them. Email us at QueerLoveProjectSub@gmail.com to find out how you can participate.